The Lengths I'd Go For You
by Inovermyheadinlove
Summary: What if someone you care about very much loses all their memories about you? The only way to save them is to transfer your memories to them, and then you've forgotten. Do you let them move on & never remember you? Or do you burden the pain yourself? Do you continue living your life for yourself? What choice would you make for the one you love?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Austin and Ally. This story mentions dark subjects. Not meant to be triggering. This is just a quick one-shot I thought of. It's slightly based off my life.**

 **NOTE: The poem IS mine! I WROTE IT, and I'd appreciate it if no one STOLE it. If you like it okay, if not that's fine, but if you want to reproduce it in ANY way ****please** **ask me first! I'm very skeptical about "publishing" my poems and if anyone steals it, I'll be severely traumatized. Even more than I already am. Anyway, I hope you like my story and if it seems rushed it's because it's meant to be a one-shot.**

Hello, my name is Ally Dawson, and I'm 21 years old. I have brown, wavy hair with ombre highlights that reaches my mid-back, and I'm the incredible height of 5'6". I have brown eyes, but other than that I'm just like any other girl. I also have an amazing boyfriend that I've known ever since I was 14. His name is Austin Moon, and he's also 21 years old. He has platinum blonde "beach hair", and he's 6 feet/ 4 inches tall. He's extremely physically fit, but more important than that-he's a total sweetheart. We have our ups and downs just like any other couple, but we've known each other for so long-that we know we can make it through the hard times together. I know we love each other, but who does more? This is a story of the lengths we'd go to for one another.

 **7 years ago...**

Austin and Ally were both in 8th grade at RidgeBrook Middle School, and they were complete opposites. Ally was a young girl, traumatized by hidden events, and she was afraid to trust anyone other than herself. Austin was a typical young boy, he was wild, rambunctious, and carefree. Ally always wanted what Austin had (or what any normal kid her age had), and Austin had always admired Ally's personality. But, they both didn't know how the other felt. In Austin's eyes, Ally was a confident girl who didn't need to surround herself with "friends", and she was an independent individual with a strong-willed mind. To Ally, Austin was always so happy and caring towards others, and she wished she could be like him. She admired his view on the world, and how he acted on a daily basis. All Ally wanted to do was introduce herself, but no matter what she wanted she still thought that in the end, Austin would leave her. Just like everyone else. All Austin could think about was wanting to befriend her, but he was secretly plagued by the doubt that she would reject him. So they continued to waste precious time.

 **9 th grade...**

Ally, despite having vowed to change her ways in order for things to be different next year, hadn't. She was too stuck in her mindset that nothing good was ever going to happen to her. She wished she had at least one true friend that she could confide her feelings in, but insecurity always prevented her from trying. She always knew that she was destined to be alone, so why try to change something that can't be helped? It was just who she was. When people found out how she really was, they always left. She scared them away. Just by being herself. Austin was still considered popular and well-liked by basically the whole student population, but who wouldn't love someone who's as kind and caring as he is? Ally still thinks that Austin is the one, and Austin still sees something special in Ally. If only they knew. Since Ally had no one she trusted to talk to, she wrote her feelings down in a large notebook. No, she wasn't some girly-girly writing "immature" feelings in a diary, she was a hardcore poetry writer that put all her heart and soul into her art. One day, as she was sitting underneath the large oak tree during lunch, she forgot her book in the crook of the tree. Austin, being the kind soul he is, stopped, picked it up and put it in his backpack-intending to return it later. If only they knew how one book could change their lives. After the school bell had rung and students were rushing to their respective transportation options home, Austin was rushing around looking for a certain brunette. Meanwhile, Ally was frantically searching all over the school to find her most prized possession. What she didn't know is that immediately after she ran out of the lost and found, Austin had walked into the office to turn in her book. Quickly deciding to finally make a move, Austin leaves Ally a note, and specifically instructs the office secretary to inform her about it. **Austin's Note: Hi Ally, I know this is your book, and I found it in the tree today and I wanted to return it to you. After you get it back, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to receive your thanks in person. -Austin M.** Now, all Austin could do is wait and hope the girl of his dreams will meet him.

 **The Appreciation(?) Meeting**

The next day, upon returning to the lost and found, Ally was relieved to find her book. But, what she didn't expect was that her savior had left a note. Demanding thanks. She couldn't believe it, she thought he was so nice. Ally contemplated on whether or not to meet him, but she had to know. Did he read her book? If he had, there's no way that Ally would let him leave. He'd know too much and than blow her cover, and then her life would be even worse than it was now. Before she had the chance to change her mind, Ally decided she'd approach Austin during lunch and get her "appreciation" over with. She was extremely nervous because she never socialized with anyone, but she had to know if the only person she ever felt like she'd be comfortable with had read her deepest, darkest secrets. Much to her dismay and excitement, Austin was waiting for her underneath the oak tree. This particular tree was isolated from the rest of the student population, and it was situated in a quiet location among nature. Ally wasn't quite sure what to say as she wasn't accustomed to social interaction, but luckily Austin spoke up first. **"A thank you so much Austin would be nice"** Ally, momentarily perplexed by his bluntness responded with an **"Excuse me?"** **"I said, a thank you so much Austin would be nice"**. Ally wasn't sure what to make of this boy so she surprised herself and him when she went and wrapped her arms around him. Shocked by the sudden contact, Austin tensed, and Ally immediately felt the shift in his demeanor. She quickly let go, muttered a quick strong " **sorry** ", and ran off. She knew this would happen, her weird behavior would scare him away, and she ruined her chance. Ally, never one to cry in public, headed to the girl's bathroom to write out her feelings. Austin, who was taken aback at her sudden boldness, instantly feels guilty for hurting her. The truth was that he liked it and it felt right to have her in his arms, but he was only in 9th grade! He wasn't ready for a relationship, and in his honest opinion-she wasn't either.

After that awkward encounter underneath the oak tree, Austin had tried multiple times to talk to Ally, but Ally had become basically mute. She only talked when she absolutely had to, and even though she was smart, she rarely ever answered a question out loud in class before and even less so now. So Austin finally physically gave up, and Ally was in even worse condition than before. Her trust issues had worsened, she had even more insecurities, and she hardly spoke.

 **11 th grade...**

Austin and Ally were both juniors in high school, and neither one's condition improved. Emotionally, Ally was worse off, but Austin was still hurting. After some very critical and careful consideration, Ally decided she had to clear the air. It had been killing her all these years, and while she thought he had probably forgotten, the smallest things were extremely important to her. So one day while doing some research in the library, Ally sat down next to Austin and cleared her throat. Upon looking up Austin couldn't believe who was sitting next to him, and at first he didn't know whether to hug her or just say hello. Not wanting to scare her away, he opted for the latter. Immediately afterwards, Ally launched into a ramble so fast that Austin barely had time to catch up. Something about " **sorry"…"I didn't mean to"…. "hug…tree" "nobody understands" "I didn't mean to offend you" "did you…" "my book" "do you get it?"** Austin hardly understood what she was talking about, but he hugged her nonetheless. **"Now, we're both even in the awkward department"** Ally just sat there shocked. That day she had hugged Austin had felt so right and so natural to her, but she never thought he'd reciprocate her feelings. Besides, she wasn't good for someone like him. She wasn't worthy of him, but she wanted to be. From that day on, Austin and Ally were inseparable. They had in-depth conversations all the time, they hugged constantly, they always looked out for each other, and they were best friends. Ally felt like she finally had the confidant she needed, but more importantly she found something more. She found someone who cared about her. Secretly, Ally would always dream of having a guy best-friend who would hug her when she was sad, protect her when she was in danger, and wouldn't mind hanging out with her. Even though her friendship with Austin was great, she still couldn't shake the feeling that he would leave her. That he would just build up her expectations, and then when it becomes too much to handle-he'll leave. Ally prepared herself for this day because she knew it was inevitable, but she hoped that just one person would stay, that Austin would stay. Meanwhile, Austin couldn't be happier. He'd always felt comfortable in his personality before, he was a good guy, but Ally was helping him more than he thought. To him, she was a wonderful person and so inspiring. She had her flaws, but in Austin's opinion, that made her more relatable. More human. The one thing they both knew, but didn't know each other did- now that they knew each other, they couldn't live without each other.

Throughout Senior year and their Freshman year of college, Austin and Ally developed more romantic feelings for each other. They had always liked each other, but this was completely different. Even though they told each other how they felt, they both agreed that it would be best if they didn't date. Neither was ready, and Ally's trust issues still prevented her from believing people. Not that she'd admit it to Austin, but Ally still didn't completely trust him. She had told him personal issues that she had never told anyone and she liked him, but she couldn't change 19 years of believing certain things. Austin always felt like that even though they were so close, something was separating them and he didn't like it. He also didn't like that Ally wouldn't talk to him about it, but whatever it is must be extremely damaging. Even though they decided not to date, Austin and Ally kind of had an unofficial relationship. They weren't exclusive, or even romantic, but everyone knew the feelings were there. The only thing they could do was wait until they were both ready.

 **Junior year…**

Austin and I have been dating for 4 months now, and so far it's been amazing. I never thought that I would find someone who loves me and I never thought I deserved it, but Austin has showed me the error of my ways. He makes me feel special, and he makes me feel cared for. We've gotten closer as I've told him more personal things about my past, and he's opened up to me about how he felt in middle school. We've been on multiple dates, and honestly Austin is just an incredible person. He's sweet, caring, selfless, humble, smart, and he's incredibly forgiving. I honestly don't know how he's put up with me for this long, but I'm so glad he has. I know he hasn't left yet and that it's been many years, but deep down I still know he will. I hate myself for thinking like this, but I know what kind of person I am and all I'm doing is destroying him. He used to be a lot more happier, but with all the things I've told him about myself I can tell I'm breaking his spirit. It's a rare gift to be blessed with an innocence that strong, and my horrible being is extinguishing it. I'm selfish for dragging him along this long, but I can't help it. I want him to stay with me, but in the end I have to let him go before it's too late and I've ruined the only good thing that's ever happened to me.

 **Flashback…..**

 **"Austin, I have to tell you something." "Ok Alls, go ahead, I'm listening."** Austin pulls me closer to his side and I gently lay my head on his chest and listen to his steady heartbeat to calm my nerves. **"Remember how in middle school, high school, and even now I write in my journal?" "Yeah, I found your book an- wait what! Ally you told me you stopped writing poetry! You were getting better, and you didn't have those kind of feelings anymore!" "I know, I know Austin, but I can't change who I am! Almost 20 years of thinking like this-it's impossible to change. You have to accept this!" "I can't Ally, I can't! What about us? Do you even care? You promised me you'd quit!" "Well I'm sorry Austin! Not everyone can be blessed like you by thinking everything is always perfect in the world, and that nothing bad ever happens! Open your eyes and face reality!" "I can't believe you Ally! I thought I could help you, but I can't take it anymore! I'm sick and tired of caring. I've tried and tried, but you're not. I've tried to be there for you, but newsflash, it's depressing having a girlfriend who never believes in herself."** I lay there and I've finally made a good decision about my life. Now is the time to let Austin go, and as much as it's going to hurt me, I have to. Not only for his sake, but for mine too. I could never live with myself if he was miserable because of me. So the only thing I can do now is convince him I'm not able to be saved. I'm a horrible person, that's all I'll ever be, and I'm not meant to have anything good happen to me. On the other hand, he deserves everything in the world. He's so kind, he deserves someone better. Someone who doesn't have all these problems, someone who can make him happy, and someone he can truly love. **"Okay Austin, I don't want to hold you back anymore. Go, go and be happy. I'm not good for you, and I won't let myself destroy you. So please, if you ever loved me at all, leave and move on**." Austin just looks at me shocked, and then something clicks in his brain because he finally grabs his overnight bag, and he opens the door. On his way out he says, **"How could I love you when you never turned out to be the girl I thought you were?".** And with that, Austin had walked out of life for probably forever. I laid back down where he was just lying, and I whispered the one poem I had never told him I wrote. **"Perhaps one day, when I'm close enough to you that I can lie my head on your chest, I won't regret wanting to kill myself.** "

 **A few weeks later….**

Austin had come back, but he hadn't come back for me. He couldn't get his dorm room changed, and since he was ultimately stuck with me, he thought it was better than staying in an apartment. The anger had disappeared between us, but we definitely weren't back together. I wasn't going to change my ways, and I still believed that he deserved better. So from now on we're just friends, even though he still comforted me. One night as we were watching a movie, I had changed positions so many times that my long-sleeved tee had ridden up. Austin had questioned my clothing choice multiple times, since it was still 95 degrees outside, but I told him I had poor circulation. Unfortunately on that night, he had seen my scars and he quickly pulled my sleeves up the rest of the way. **"Oh my god Ally, why? Why did you do this to yourself?"** I unashamedly let him run his fingers over the rough cuts, because I had created new scars, but I figured out that if you just cut over the old ones, the pain is worse and it takes longer to heal. The worse the pain, the better I feel because I finally think I'm getting what I deserve. **"I'm not going to apologize Austin. This is what I deserve, this is who I am. I am mentally unstable, and I'm not good for someone like you. So I figured that if you ever did come back, I'd make you not want to stay."** Austin just holds my wrists, and by the shocked expression on his face I can tell he doesn't understand. But that's the thing, no one ever understands,and I'm the only one who can deal with it. I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life, and I'm the only one who can know about my true self. From that point on Austin had never left my side, not even for a second, and honestly I was relieved. I wanted to kill myself, but if Austin _wanted_ stay in my life, I'd live for him. I can tell he doesn't trust me, and I know he probably never will, but that's okay I deserve it. I don't deserve to have Austin in my life, but he's here and here to stay.

 **2 months later…**

Austin has hardly given me any alone time, but honestly it doesn't bug me. I know that if he didn't watch me, I'd start cutting myself and trying to kill myself again. Someone like me can't be left alone, but always is. I'm so thankful I have Austin in my life, and we've even gone on a few "casual dates". We're not back together, but the feelings never stopped. So as we approach Senior year, we'll see how things progress.

 **Senior year….**

Austin and I have decided to get back together because honestly we're better together. He helps me through my dark times, and somehow I inspire him. No one else knows about my true self, but on the outside I'm the definition of innocence. I never curse, say disgusting things, get angry, or do anything wrong, and I'm always shy and timid. Plus, I'm always kind to people, and they say I'm like the sweetest person ever. I feel bad basically living a lie, but if they knew the truth they wouldn't come within 5 feet of me. My scars are healing, and they're barely noticeable, and as a reward, Austin has decided to take me out for ice cream. I still don't understand how he can be comfortable being seen in public with me, but he says despite my issues, I'm wonderful. So over the course of the year, Austin and I become closer again and it's almost like we're dating again. We still have feelings for each other, and we probably always will, but we're not meant to be together. We're too different. He's too nice, and I'm too corrupt. People like me destroy people like him, but for now I'm going to enjoy the moments of happiness I have.

 **After graduation….**

Austin and I have been going strong in whatever our relationship is, and now it's time to go back home. We've completed college, and we're both now 21 almost 22 years old. I can't believe I've known him since I was in the 8th grade and we're still together. I don't know what I did to deserve him, or if I even do but all I know is that I love him and I'm not sure I could live my life without him.

 **Austin's P.O.V.**

Oh my god, I'm so tired! I'm so tired of pretending like I care about Ally and all her problems. It's hard to have a normal relationship, or even be in one with her because of all her problems. I can't take it anymore, but we've had so many fights I can't use that as an excuse. I have to think of a way to get rid of her, without her knowing it's her fault.

 **One bright Summer day…**.

 **"Hey Austin, what do you wanna do today?" "Oh I'm sorry do I know you?" "Austin, come on, stop playing around. It's me Ally." "Sorry, I don't know anyone named Ally."** **"Austin, what's wrong with you? I've known you since the 8 th grade We even went to the same college!"** Austin just feigns innocence, but I know he's lying. Okay, if he wants to play this game then fine. I always knew this day was coming, and I'm ready. **"Oh you're right, my mistake. I would never associate with someone named Austin. It's too fake!"** Thinking he's off the hook, "Austin" just gets up and walks away. He walked out of my life for the final time that day. He moved on, but that's okay because I knew it was going to happen. I'm the kind of girl who can't have anyone in her life because she destroys them all. I'm no good, a nuisance, and I just make the world a worse place. I am a terrible person who doesn't deserve to be happy, and nothing good will ever happen to me. I knew he was just like everyone else, he left me and I accept it. It's a fact of my life, and I'll just have to deal with it. Just like all the other pain in my life. So even though he pretended to lose all his memories of me, I know the truth. He doesn't love me anymore, if at all, and in the end I cared too much. So I was willing to bear the burden of dealing with all my previous pain, but also all that he caused. I loved him so much I let him go. I let him move on, and I gave him the opportunity to be happy with someone who deserves him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: This is not meant to express my opinion on suicide, cutting, and how society views people dealing with these issues. WARNING: THIS MENTIONS DARK SUBJECTS.**

 **Ally's P.O.V.**

I have no idea how I've lasted this long. I always wanted Austin to come back for me, to accept me for who I really am, but I knew that was impossible. No one ever loves people like me. I just wanted to have that one person who understood me, who comforted me, and protected me unconditionally. They could look past my deep scars and dark thoughts, and find me even more beautiful because of it. They would think I'm courageous and strong for dealing with this by myself for so long, but contrary to what I'd hoped, Austin didn't. I always knew the truth, but I can't help but envision a better future. I know I'm not good enough for anyone, let alone someone who's nice and caring, but that's the only way I've made it this far. I want someone to love me. I want someone to know my deepest fears and darkest thoughts, and still stay by my side. I want someone to protect me, to shield me from myself. I break others, but ultimately I destroy myself. There's no stopping how I feel, there's no hope for me. I can't change, and the world definitely won't. Until I'm surrounded by a better atmosphere, I will become how I view the world. I'm dark, evil, twisted, and psychotic. I am something that will only bring more evil to the world, and I will continue to destroy everything around me. I am a horrible person, and I really don't contribute anything to this world. I'm worthless, and pathetic. But the worst thing? I know I can never find that one person. I can never tell another living soul how I truly feel because either they won't believe me, or they think I'm seeking attention. No one besides myself understands what I'm going through, and I can't accurately describe it. So, I'm resigned to accept my fate. I will deal with this burden for the rest of my life. Nothing good will ever happen to me, and I can't do anything to change it. Is it so bad to wish to be accepted and loved? Constantly tormented by my dark thoughts, I give in to the pressure. Because of the voices in my head and the constant taunting, I willingly do their bidding. It's what I deserve, I need to feel this pain. This is the only way. This is how it has to be. With the last of my resolve fading away, I once again give up. I grab the knife and I run the cool blade over my skin. It feels so nice. It feels right. At this moment, I know this is how my life is supposed to be. This is all I'm good for. I am only meant to be a gateway for evil into our world. Slowly, I push the tip of the blade through the surface of my skin. Gradually, the sacred, red liquid seeps through until it finally gushes out. I carefully avoid my main artery to make the pain last longer. I deserve this torture, I deserve to feel the gut-wrenching pain, and I deserve to feel the fear that every slice might be my last. I've done this for as long as I can remember, it's like second nature to me. I've become so accustomed to it, that this is the only thing that feels right. It makes me feel at home. I am accepted. As long as I'm in pain, I'm okay. I know it's what I deserve. When I reach the point that my arm is looking pale, I quickly bandage the cut, to preserve my blood for next time. I tightly wrap the bandage, and I hiss out in pain as the pressure stings my wound. Then I break out into a devilish grin, as I know I deserve the pain. I've done what I've needed to for right now. I'm ruining my body, but I don't care. I will have so many scars, and finally my body will be beautiful.

 **Austin's P.O.V.**

It's been 3 months since I left Ally, and I honestly couldn't be happier. The dumb girl was holding me back, and tying me down. I thought she was the one for me, but that lying (explicit word) was deceiving me. When I found out what she was truly like, I couldn't believe she was so fake. Her little goody-two-shoes act, and her innocent personality was just a lie. She was seriously messed up, and she was starting to mess with my mind. When I found out her true self I was completely disgusted, but I knew I couldn't leave her right away. I've heard people like her are "extremely fragile" and "impulsive", and I didn't want her to commit suicide and have it blamed on me. That would definitely tarnish my reputation, and ruin my life. I couldn't wait to escape her psychotic clutches, but I had to pretend to like her for a little while. I hated every single day I had to spend with her, and even though she was somewhat pretty, I couldn't have a normal relationship with her. It was like every second I had to be conscious of her feelings, or pay attention to her behavior. She wasn't ever a girlfriend, but she was always a _responsibility._ I didn't want to have to take care of her, and listening to her problems was emotionally exhausting. Knowing her weird ways, she was probably trying to brainwash me into thinking like her so we could live together in some suicidal world forever. Thankfully, I've moved on and I'm currently pursuing a "play-boy" persona. I decided that if Ally could repeatedly fool people and make them believe she was different than she really was, then I could too. So in public, I'm nice Austin who only thinks of others, but comes nightfall I'm bad-boy Austin who goes through multiple girls a night. I'm never in a serious relationship though because life's too short for that, and who cares about feelings when I'm only thinking of myself. I'm so glad that girl is a part of my past, but it sucks she wasted so much of my time. She was so detrimental to me, I hope she dies. It's what she deserves. People like her don't belong in the world. She's a nuisance, and she'll only cause trouble. I swear if she dies, the world will be a better place for everyone.

 **A/N: Okay so I only received two reviews (and that's okay) and they encouraged me to make this a two-shot. At first I was completely stumped because I hadn't planned on continuing it, but I was like "Eh, what the heck?" So I hope this pleases you. I'm glad some people enjoy my style of writing, but I hope this doesn't trigger anything. I'm only good at writing depressing stories and I pride myself on that. I'm not trying to make anyone sad or hurt them, but it's what I enjoy. That might make me sound a little messed up, but like I said in the first chapter, the poem was MINE. Anyway, I hope you like this, and I hope it doesn't ruin your day. The purpose of this continuation was to give a little insight into how Austin and Ally felt after they parted ways for the final time.**


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